Too much sex to blame for Bills, Sabres seasons? 

Industry professionals and sports experts have long claimed that an athlete’s sexual activity is a major factor in determining game day performance. At last year’s 2014 World Cup, many coaches banned entire teams from having sex — but that didn’t stop the Olympic Village from running out of thousands of condoms.

Clinical Journal of Sports Medicine reviewed 31 studies conducted since the mid-1990s and “found weak evidence that having sex the night before competition affects performance.” The study discounted exhaustion as a factor; they estimate that intercourse typically burns between 25 and 50 calories. That’s the equivalent of walking up two flights of stairs.

The authors of that research generally conclude that it depends on the person: some feel sex helps them relieve anxiety, while others are distracted by it. Former New York Yankees manager Casey Stengel may have gotten it right when he said, “It’s not the sex that wrecks these guys; it’s staying up all night looking for it.”

With the Bills unlikely to make the playoffs and the Sabres season off to a mixed start, many have asked aloud, “what is distracting the guys?” For the remainder of thier respective seasons, The Buffalo Chronicle will profile the young socialites, ladies of the evening, and the proverbial “fun girls” who are to blame — or, depending on game day performance, to acclaim for their good work.

Our coverage will be probing, in order to salvage some entertainment value out of the rest of the season.  So stay tuned for the salacious behind the scenes stories that  you won’t see in Russ Brandon’s press releases.

And, of course — if you have a story to tell — let’s talk.

Rasmus Ristolainen. 6’3″, 201 lbs, 21 years old. D #55.
Cody Franson. 6’5″, 213 lbs, 28 years old. D #46.
Evander Kane. 6’2″, 195 lbs, 24 years old, Left Wing #9.
Zemgus Girgensons. 6’1″, 190 lbs, 21 years old, C #28.
Jake McCabe. 6’0″, 195 lbs, 22 years old, D #29.
Sam Reinhart. 6’1″, 186 lbs, 20 years old, C #23.
Mark Pysyk. 6’1″, 192 lbs, 23 years old, D #3.


  1. “Sabres off to a mixed start”
    They’re a new squad, you can’t expect them to win all their games and be superstars. Geez.
    Becoming a team takes time, learning to play with one another, which Should be quick because they’re pros. Yet, consider, for many buffalo is a new home & they’re young. Not all pro hockey players are responsible mature men. Most are overgrown many children.

    You can’t go justifying going out, socializing & increased extra-curricular activities as a cause of athletic performance.
    Stop fishing for bs excuses.

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